DETACHMENT AND REINTEGRATION OF THE EGO

The concept of self-identity is something that I have always been taken by because of the crucial role it plays in influencing change, and unlocking our potential for growth and self-transformation. Although illusive by nature, our self-identity could, in fact, be our most important creation for that it has the power to either limit or free up our creative potential. As it turns out, this creation has a name and it is called the ego.

When I first started on the journey to self-development, the ego (aka the comfort zone) was unveiled to me as a dictating agent conditioning how I saw myself and therefore, perceived my potential. I was disappointed to find out that for the most part, I’d been using my ego identity in a very limiting way, instead of leveraging it as a tool for personal empowerment. I remember feeling like I’ve been played my entire life, as I reflected on how ways that I clung to concepts and ideas that were never mine to begin with. So, I started a vendetta against the ego and decided that it must die! It must be forsaken for me to be free to reach beyond my self-imposed limitations.

As necessary as this process was, I wish it came with a warning sign reading ‘YOUR WORLD WILL CRUMBLE’. As our internal reality fall apart due to a crisis of identity, so does our external world. The external chaos we experience is merely a reflection of the chaos within, however, this can never be apparent to the mind as it is too busy trying to fix a mess caused by its own deconstruction. So, we end up feeling as though our world is uncontrollably coming to an end, but it is not — our self-identity is!

To safely engage in this process of ego destruction, I have learned that it is crucial to start by forming a solid understanding of the nature of the ego and its role within the human psyche. This understanding is needed for the mind to stay grounded amid the internal and external chaos we experience as a result of our temporary loss of self-identity. It helps us come to term with the real reasoning behind this need for detachment by giving us some context as to the necessity of it all.

So, let's talk about it!

WHAT IS THE EGO?

Simply put, the ego is a psychological representation of ourselves that we created in the mind to give us a sense of identity, what we will later refer to as our 'self'. In truth, the ego is merely a concept, a mental construct that was formed in our psyche through the accumulation of experiences that I have left strong impressions in our being, and caused us create stories about who we are and our place in the world. The ego, as a function of the 'self', was originally conceived to help us survive the reality of our environment by giving us an identity, an individual self (the 'me, myself and I') that was separate and different from the rest of the world.

Earlier on in our lives, the ego played an important role in our development through the forming of our 'self-image' . It gave us a feeling of uniqueness in a world full of diversity and naturally, we've sought to hold on to this feeling of originality without being aware of it, which explains the resistance (discomfort) we feel when it's finally time to let it go. The thought of detaching from our self-image pretty much feels like we’re renouncing the only identity that we know we have, and without a sense of identity or point of reference about who we are, we know that the mind tends to get lost and imbalanced. This is why it is important to understand the purpose behind this idea of detachment and ultimately know where our new sense of identity is to come from.

The need for detachment — ‘Solve et coagula’

As the ego was first created in our childhood years (around the age of 7 according to most), it is not surprising that it does not depict a true and authentic image of who we are. It is safe to say that the ego inherently contains all inaccuracies and falsehoods that we believe have defined the type of person we are since childhood. The inconsistencies found in the early reasoning, judgment, and observations that have first shaped our ego often continue to impact our behaviour in adulthood, but many of us are completely unaware of it. It is in fact because of the lies that reside in the early identifications and attachments of the ego that most people suffer their own existence later on in life.

"Detaching from the ego isn't about denying its existence but denying its truth and relevance"

Once you understand the workings of the ego, it becomes apparent that there is no need to hold on to it because it was never real, it was self-created for survival purposes and therefore, can be self-recreated for a much higher purpose. Letting it go, in fact, happens to be an important part of its own expansion.

When the time has finally come for us to move to the next stage of our evolutionary journey, life will naturally call us to the important task of shedding light on all erroneous beliefs and ideas that were held in our ego identity, as they've become detrimental to our growth as human beings. These false identifications and beliefs that the ego has sought to sustain over the years to maintain its relevance in our lives are, in fact, the ones that we will be asked to let go, so that we may reach a new level of potential for ourselves. Denying the ego and its false beliefs not only gives us room to evolve beyond the limits of our mental conditioning, it also opens us to the possibility of reaching for a higher truth, a new sense of identity that is found in “oneness”.

....you shall prosper most now if you are willing to unbecome what you have believed yourself to be. It was never really true anyway, that view. It was partial at best; and just a view, an identity, not a genuine reality. Some of your previous sense of self shall likely come with this transition into the fuller experience of your being, and some of that previous identity shall be shed as far too limiting. It just won’t feel true for you anymore, if it ever did.

— Rumi (22 The Lion and The Deer)

Beyond the identity of the Ego

Being our separated self, the ego naturally focuses on the interests of the individual (the well-being of the organism) and has little consideration for the collective (the well-being of the environment as a whole). Because the ego only serves to reinforce our sense of self, our individuality and singularity as separate entities, it is often associated with our physical body. The body’s predominant instinct is to look after itself and ensure its survival (well-being), so is the ego.

However, as we evolve beyond the need for survival and become wiser, our consciousness has this natural desire to break free from the limits we've placed on ourselves through the programming of our ego and return to its original essence, which is oneness — the unity of all things. The life within us wants to reclaim that sense of wholeness and connectedness that we once knew to be part of prior to the creation of the ego, while still holding on to the wisdom we have acquired from living in separation (duality). Remembering the oneness with all beings and integrating that understanding in a world of that promotes separation can be a very uncomfortable process, but it is surely where growth lies in our evolution as human beings.

Check out the below TedTalk from actor Thandiwe Newton on "Embracing otherness" which deeply resonates with the ideas I have shared in this post!